Middle aged wind-ups up no 27: Coffee shops: Reasons:

1. Staff describing themselves as ‘Baristas’ to make the career choice sound more sexy.
2. The inability to spell, or pronounce, your name right’ despite repeating it three times, and spelling it twice.
3. The prices: Its coffee, not liquid gold.
4. The upselling of a miniscule slab of brownie, made from the finest chocolate, by the finest choclatiers, despite the packet stating it was produced in an industrial unit just north of Bradford.
5. The prevalance of hipsters pretending to work on their laptops. You have a kettle at home, and no one is impressed with the showboating.
6. The incessant questions. Although not as bad as Subway, sometimes you just want ‘a coffee’.
7. The limited number of low sofas. Although bad for the middle aged back, they are comfy and more inviting that the wooden seating constructs.
8. The post coital feeling: Although the coffee is nice, you walk out a short while later feeling as if you have been financially mugged, before touching cloth 20 minutes later as the coffee beans loosen your bowels whilst standing in the queue at Pets at home.